Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Love Changes... Fact!

For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health - one thing's for sure... love changes.

Remember when we first fell in love?!   All that dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen (what?!)  Yes, a potent cocktail of hormones more proficient in tricking us to declare our undying love than any Strawberry Daiquiri or Sloe Comfortable Screw could ever be! And so, all-consumed with chemicals and besotted with the euphoria of having found our perfect match, we embark on a journey of passion and indestructible love. Some may say unfortunately (and other perhaps thankfully) this stage is not sustainable, we'd never get anything done and our bodies and minds would be shot to pieces.

If, by this time, we haven't completely exhausted ourselves and our feelings for one another, we'll probably begin to deepen our bond, we feel cherished, safe, comfortable.   Our physical interactions may not be so wild, rampant or spontaneous as they used to be but they're sure to be more meaningful.

Fast forward a little, and we may even marry, build a home together, have children.  Fast forward a little more, we may have taken to spending our Sunday mornings mowing the lawn, washing the cars, cleaning the house... (hold on, what happened to Sunday morning breakfast in bed, relaxing, reading the papers, chatting, joking, laughing together?) Remember those little things we used to find 'cute' or 'quirky' in our better half?  Well we may now find them infuriating and intolerable. We're no longer excited at the prospect of spending time together, instead we simply co-exist in a state of relative comfort, which is sadly lacking in intimacy or adventure.
Time to take stock maybe?

To quote George Bernard Shaw "when two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part".

So what next?  Well, some go on, and on... perhaps lacking passion, but with comfort and familiarity being good enough. Many make it through this stage to find true and meaningful long-term love and togetherness. Others are unable to rekindle a flame bright enough to see them through, and may ultimately decide to part ways. 

And the ultimate love goal?  Well, in some respects we probably all have varying opinions on that one.  For me, a shared sense of fun, humor and adventure are crucial, and can overcome most obstacles.  But I think for most of us, love also means being with someone who not only excites and arouses us, but who loves us for who we are (warts and all). Someone who appreciates the good in us, and understands that any bad may be a result of past experiences that still live with us. 

I reckon at just turned 50, married twice and divorced once, I've felt the force of most love-related emotions... euphoria, passion, excitement, disappointment, betrayal, heartbreak, guilt, utter disbelief!  My experiences have taught me (amongst other things) that without question, whether good, bad or indifferent.. love between two people will never remain the same over time, it is ever changing... and thank goodness for that!

Today, Valentines 2018, marks the 9th anniversary of my second marriage.  To say it's been a turbulent 9 years is something of an understatement!  We're a passionate and emotional pair, which makes for some spectacular ups... and downs. Safe to say it hasn't all been plain sailing but we've reached a stage where we're secure and content with one another and in fact a bit of occasional turbulence is welcomed... it helps keep things alive. My hubby and I have been through an awful lot to be together, overcoming a certain amount of judgment and prejudice, especially in the early years.  For us, acceptance of and adaptation to change has been pivotal to the survival and growth of our relationship.

I was born an incurable romantic, however life has taught me to also apply a sense of realism when it comes love and relationships.  Valentine celebrations are fun, and a wonderful opportunity to express our love for that special someone.  We don't have to wait for February 14th though to invest a little time in nurturing our relationships, cultivating and strengthening them in preparation for the inevitable... change.

Here's a reading from our very special Valentine wedding ceremony 2009...

"Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on Valentines, and romance in the movies.  We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true.  Love is the creator of our favourite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams."

Happy Valentines everyone! 

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful words from a beautiful soul. May you and hubby share many more ups and downs together...xx